Conscious Loving

Authentic love develops from a deeper understanding of our self. Our conscious awareness is expanding and evolving swiftly through our own personal journeys. Never before in the history of Western society have we asked so much of each other, on all levels:

• Physical
• Mental
• Emotional
• Spiritual

Our instinctual self calls us to connect and celebrate our intimate relationship, to let go of outdated, conditioned inhibitions and to experience each other with profundity, conscious awareness and honesty. The time has come for us to communicate on a level of existence that raises us high above the lower mental planes. We are in an age and a time that challenges us personally and as couples to look deeply into our selves. We have to wake up and realize that our relationship problems arise from our own personal unresolved emotional issues. Unresolved emotions are so harmful to the body mind system, they become a barrier to our self-understanding, personal development, conscious awareness and our spiritual evolution. These stored negative emotions we unwittingly carry around in the very cells of our body mind system and they are contributing factors to relationship breakdowns.

• Anger
• Fear
• Sadness
• Hurt
• Guilt

Love relationships challenge us to face our emotional issues

The drama’s we play out within our relationship are shadow types of behaviour. Carl Jung calls these archetypes, which are repeated patterns, thoughts and actions that remain unconscious until we recognize them. When negative thought, feelings and behaviours surface we need to be awake and aware. Most of us control our feelings on autopilot, so when triggered we react without thinking. Unresolved emotional issues get stored in the very cells of our body mind system, and we pay the price for being the storekeeper. Relationships can become toxic as a result of unhealthy shadow archetypal patterns taking over.

Understand Loves First Bloom

We have all experienced the sparks of falling in love and the enormous amount of positive energy that comes with it. We feel this energy on all levels; it lights our hearts, feeds our minds and takes us up and into a magical blissful feeling, its beautiful, we are beautiful, the world is beautiful and we want it to last forever. We are kept afloat on a wave of passionate energy induced by happy chemicals, which creates the effect of feeling “high” and that is exactly what we are, we are high on endorphins. When we fall in love our brain produces extra happy chemicals, it the love drug that keeps the first blush of love alive and the world stands still. Within this amazing high energy we fulfill each others every need, desire and every want. We gaze into each others eyes and feel we have met our perfect soul partner. Unfortunately this high energy is exhaustible and cannot be maintained indefinitely. When the chemicals slow down, the sparks start to die down we start to come down! The beautiful pedestal our perfect lover stands on begins to wobble. This is a critical point in a relationship because it can develop in several different ways.

1. You become stuck in a reoccurring cycles of self-sabotaging emotional co-dependent behaviour.
2. You love each other and want to work through the problems, but not sure how to.
3. You believe that your relationship was mere infatuation and you break up. Doing this simply means that you will continue to experience the same old stuff with different people.
4. You may stay in the relationship as an unconscious effort to keep your own identity.
5. You go on to forge a long-lasting and healthy relationship, which is the result of ongoing personal development

By taking responsibility for your own part in the relationship and working towards healing your own emotional issues, you can free your self from the chains of the past and step onto the high road to a successful relationship.

Cause and Effect – Woundology

Most love relationships are bonded and established on the foundation of emotional hurt, or wounds. Caroline Myss calls this our woundology. During childhood we model behaviour from the people close to us. Unfortunately, many love relationships are established on the foundations of outdated ingrained patterns from our childhood conditioning, our personal experiences of how we think, feel and model what we believe ‘love’ should be. Our parent’s relationship is our first experience of how male and female interacts. If you were born to emotionally stable parents that maintained a balanced loving relationship the odds are that you have modeled their positive behaviour, beliefs and values about love.

If your childhood experiences of the male female interaction left you emotionally inhibited and unable to give or receive love, your emotional wounds will be stored in your body from a collection of negative events, situations and experiences around love and relationships. Emotional wounds become a barrier that stops the beautiful life flow energy from guiding you to explore your creative potential within yourself and an intimate relationship. Can you accept that your life experiences are always teaching you something, if so nothing that happens to you can be wrong, just valuable learning’s?

The good thing is no one has to be locked into inhibitions that come from emotional wounds. By making a conscious choice to detach and see the big picture, of what is going on in your relationship, rather than being bogged down in the details, you will discover a deeper understanding of yourself through your partner. Even the painful and uncomfortable experiences hold pearls of wisdom. Remember, it is our unconscious drive for wholeness that urges us to heal the emotional damage from the past. When you choose to step onto the path of personal development you will learn to recognize your own projections, your own shadow patterns that have sabotaged you and your relationships. Is it time to let go of the emotional baggage, is it time to create the loving lasting relationship you really would like and deserve?

I am offering my readers a free download of my Precision Therapy Self Hypnosis Understanding Love

References:

Caroline Myss (1998) Why People Don’t Heal, Three Rivers Press, Crown Publishing Group, N.Y.

Jung, C.G. (1964). Man and His Symbols, New York; Doubleday and Company, Inc.

My Precision Therapy Self Hypnosis audios are a result of many years of working with women from all walks of life and from different cultures. They are specifically designed to empower and motivate women, to empower and motivate themselves. Feminine consciousness on this planet is changing and we need to be awake and aware to embrace this amazing shift. Emotional healing is a part of this shift. We live in exciting times.

Understanding Narcissistic Behaviour

Narcissistic people wear a mask of confidence that they project out into their fragile world with great self-assurance, which is covering up deep insecurities and fears through an inflated self-image. Narcissist people are very good at lying, but even better at believing their own lies. They create a distorted reality as they pull others into their web. Narcissists strive for control of their own life, and the lives of people who are close to them. Unfortunately they are unconscious of the fact that it is them who are out of control.

Narcissistic people are unable to reveal their true authentic self, simply because they are unaware of who they are. On an unconscious level they actually hide from themselves and the world around them, locked into a perceived reality of their own making, locked in with suppressed negative emotions. These emotions emanate from them suppressed and confined in the world they have created, a world designed purely for the purpose of feeling in control, to progress, if you can call living life in a fantasy world progressing! Within their world they function from their own inflated ego The need to control everything and everyone produces acting out behaviors such as -

• Being distant
• Arrogant
• Intimidating
• Threatening
• Behaving arrogantly and haughtily
• Projecting superiority, and all important
• Raging and ranting when distressed

Narcissists desperately need admiration and approval from outside of them self. Being recognized as being superior and believing they can never be affected by anything or anyone their fragile ego. What they what NPD’s fail to acknowledge is they are negatively effecting their whole living reality, and the people who love them.

When a Narcissist feels wounded or betrayed they often set out to hurt whatever or whoever they feel has betrayed or angered them. They suffer delusions that their perceived betrayer feels the same about them, and is likely to act in the same way. However, when it suits whatever purpose they have in mind they act charming and even seductive, and become your best friend. Fortunately emotionally balanced people recognize the traits and move out of their circle as quickly as they can.

People with NPD can experience mood change from high to lows. When high on self grandiose a narcissist is so dysfunctional in their behaviour they often revert to self sabotaging them self, completely unaware of the danger signals. So, the question is, what created the behaviours that become so much a part of Narcissistic survival? What established the set of principles, beliefs that really do not serve them. Deep down a they are is so much more than their conditioned behaviours. Childhood negative programming can create two of our greatest fears,

• The fear of loving anything or anyone
• The fear of being loved by anything or anyone

What Causes Narcissism?

• Childhood and parental neurosis
• Being over protected or abused by parents, carers, or siblings
• The feeling of betrayal, and seeing others betrayed around you in early childhood
• Lack of trust
• Being looked up to by peers, when really you felt lost scared or inadequate
• are just a few of the factors involved in creating a negative narcissistic personality.

Early childhood conditioning, and childhood neurosis can often manifests from feelings.

• Anger
• Hurt
• Sadness
• Fear
• Guilt

Which ultimately leads to suppressed feelings of resentment. At a very early age parental neurosis and childhood conditioning together with significant negative emotional events cause these negative feelings (which young children do not understand). Through lack of understanding and no knowledge of how to deal with feelings, the child internalized them (takes them inside). They are unconsciously pushed into a metaphorical black bag (the unconscious mind) and the strings tightly pulled closed.

Later in life the suppressed negative emotions start to surface as bad feelings, and having no real understanding of how to deal with them they are projected through behaviour on to others or objects. Remember, the blame is always outside the self (always a projection). Whatever goes wrong in the life of a narcissist, it is always the fault of thing or someone else.

A narcissist lives in a world of cause and effect, a world where they are ruler of their perceived empire. All the negative emotions that were established and suppressed all those years ago, all the well established outdated behaviours that are used to control, manipulate and psychologically play with the very people they need, but so easily reject. These emotions are acted out everyday as a release for unconscious constrained, immature negative feelings. The feeling of having control over others gains a false sense of security, a false sense of being powerfulness.

Is there a solution to narcissism?

A narcissist first needs to recognize they have built their relationships on the foundations of unstable negative emotions. If a person has come to a place in their life where there behaviours keep hurting others so they can maintain their own feelings of control, then is it perhaps time for them and their partners to reconsider the situation. Because what a Narcissist will undoubtedly create within their personal world is the very situation they least desire, and everything they think they control they can end up losing. If their outdated negative feelings and behaviours have a purpose and the purpose was to teach something, what is it that a narcissist needs to really understand, what is it that they need to ‘let go’ of in order for the problems, they keep unwittingly creating, to completely disappear?

There is a great deal information about the negative traits of narcissistic personality disorder, but very little about the positive traits of narcissism. Freud believed that we are born with narcissistic traits and that they are an essential part of us. I believe that healthy narcissism assists us in many ways and without it we would find it hard to balance our own needs when it comes to relating to the people around us.

According to Dr. Roy Baumeister, a Social Psychologist, healthy balanced narcissism is a mature, balanced love of oneself coupled with a stable sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Healthy narcissism implies knowledge of one’s boundaries and a proportionate and realistic appraisal of one’s achievements and traits.

Precision Therapy  The Unknown Self - healing the shadow side of narcissism is specifically designed for people who have narcissistic traits, and their partners. Understanding narcissism is the first step towards emotional healing, the first step towards find your true self.  Extensive information about narcissism can be found on these website  http://www.narcissismcured.com and http://www.narcissism.com.au/Beyond_Narcissism.html

Sarah Chambers

All human beings compete for energy; we do so to feel a psychological lift. We are all conditioned to believe that we must have among other things attention, love, recognition, support, and approval (which are all forms of energy).

There are four main energy manipulations and they operate on a continuing basis. Some people use more than one in different circumstances, but most of us have one dominant control drama that we tend to repeat, depending on which one worked well on the members of our family. Control Drama’s are unconscious until we recognize them. Have you ever noticed energy changes in other people or your self? You may not have been aware of it, but you would probably have felt it. For instance bad atmosphere when walking into a room?  That’s negative energy!  Ever felt drained after spending time with someone?  Ever felt like you just can’t keep your eyes open?  The opposite of this is feeling a mental lift, or feeling really happy, energized after being with someone. When we are in harmony with others our energy flows back and forth in a give and take situation.

Children take a lot of our energy  and learn very quickly how to control us with their own control dramas! Watch your children playing together and notice what control drama dominates within each child. If we learn how to recognize control dramas in our self and in other we can protect ourselves by acting in such a way as to counteract and control the energy we give and receive. By doing this we can deal positively with others and protect your self.

Control Drama 1. The Intimidator

The Intimidator

Intimidator’s gets everyone to pay attention to them by force of loudness, physical strength, threats and unexpected out-burst. They keep everyone on edge for fear of triggering off embarrassing comments, anger, and, in extreme cases, rage. Energy comes toward them from others because of the fear and suspicion of ‘what’s going to happen next’. Intimidators always have the stage. They make you feel afraid and anxious. They are normally  egocentric (egotistic), their behaviour may range from ordering others around, talking continuously, with out bursts of  violent, especially when drinking alcohol.  Intimidators are probably the most cut off from universal energy. They normally attract people by  creating an aura of power.

Each of the control dramas creates a specific  matching drama.  An intimidator will attract is the Poor Me- an extremely passive energy.  The poor me unaware that the intimidator is robbing him of his energy on a frightening scale, tries to stop the threading interchange, by assuming a cringing, helpless attitude: “look what you’re doing to me. Don’t hurt me, I’m too weak.” The Poor me is attempting to make the intimidator feel guilty in order to stop the attack and regain a flow of energy.

The other possibility for a matching drama is the counter-intimidator. This drama will occur if the Poor Me attitude does not work, or more likely, if the personality of the other person is also aggressive. Then this person will fight back with the original intimidator. If one of your parents was an Intimidator, chances are one of his or her parents was an intimidator or a passive Poor Me.

Control Drama 2. Interrogator

Interrogators are less physically threatening, but break down spirit and will by mentally questioning all activities and motivations.  Hostile critics, they look for ways to make others wrong. The more they dwell on your faults and mistakes, the more you will watch them and react to their every move. As you strike to prove yourself or answer to them, the more energy you send their way. Everything you say will probably be used against you at some time! You feel like you are being constantly monitored.

Interrogators are alert and their behaviour may range from being cynical, to viciously manipulative. They initially engage others with their wit, faultless logic, facts, and intellect. As parents, interrogators create aloof children and sometimes Poor Me’s. Both types want to escape the probing of the interrogator. Aloofs want to escape having to answer (and be drained of their energy) to the constant scrutiny and needling of the interrogator.

Control Drama 3 The Aloof

Aloof people are caught up in their own internal world of unresolved struggles, fears, and self-doubt. They believe unconsciously that if they appear mysterious or detached, others will come and draw them out. Often lonely, they keep their distance for fear of others imposing their will or questioning their decisions (as their interrogator parents did).

Thinking they have to do everything on their own, they don’t ask for help. They need a “lot of space” and often avoid being pinned down by commitments. As children they were not often allowed to satisfy their need for independence or acknowledged for their own identity. Prone to move towards the Poor Me side, they don’t realise that their own aloofness might be the cause of them not having what they want. (E.g. money, love, self –esteem, or for their feelings of stagnation or confusion.

They often see their main problem as a lack of something (money, friends, social contacts, and education.)  Their behaviour ranges from disinterested, unavailable, uncooperative, to rejecting, contrary, and sneaky. Skilled at detachment as a defence the tend to cut off their own energy with such phrases as “I’m different from the rest,” “No one really understands what I am trying to do,” “I’m confused,” to “I don’t want to play their game,” “If only I had…..” Opportunities slip away while they over analyse everything.

With the hint of conflict the aloof becomes vague and can literally disappear (Screening telephone calls, not keeping appointments) They usually engage through there mysterious, hard to get persona (aura.) Aloofs usually create Interrogators, but can also get into dramas with Intimidators or Poor Me’s because they are in the centre of the continuing circle.

Control Drama 4

Poor Me or Victim

Poor Me’s never feel they have enough power to confront the world in an active way, so they extract sympathy, by pulling energy toward them.  When using the silent treatment, they slide towards the aloof mode, but as a Poor Me’s, they make sure that the silence does not go un-noticed. Always pessimistic, the Poor Me’s pull attention towards them by worried facial expressions, sighing, trembling, crying, staring into the distance, answering questions very slowly, and retelling dramas and crises. They like to go last in the line and defer to others. Their favourite two words are “Yes, But”

Poor Me’s initially seduce others with their vulnerability and need for help. However, they are not really interested in solutions because then they would lose their source of energy. They might also exhibit over accommodating behaviour, which then leads then into them feeling taken for granted and advantage of. This emphasizes and reinforces their method of gaining energy.

Always accommodating others poor me’s find it difficult to set boundaries and limits. Their behaviour ranges from convincing, defending, making excuses, repeatedly explaining, telling too much, to trying to solve problems that are not their business. They open themselves up to being used and then recent being taken for granted.

Poor Me’s sustain their victim stance by attracting people who intimidate them. In the extreme cycle of domestic violence, an Intimidator will involve the Poor Me in increasingly violent episodes of abuse toward the Poor Me until a climax is reached. After the climax, the intimidator retreats and apologies, thus sending energy that seduces the Poor Me back into the cycle.

Change happens not by trying to make your self change, but by becoming conscious of what’s not working.

Control Drama’s are from the book by James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy

I have the right to ask for what I want, realising that the other person has the right to say no.

I have the right to have my own opinions, feelings and emotions and to express them appropriately.

I have the right to make statements that have no logical basis, and which I do not have to justify to anyone. (i.e. Intuitive ideas and comments).

I have the right to make my own decisions and to deal with the consequences.

I have the right to privacy.

I have the right to choose whether to get involved with other people’s problems.

I have the right to not know something and not to understand.

I have the right to choose to change through personal development.

I have the right to make mistakes without others making me feel guilty.

I have the right to express myself without fear of retribution.

I have the right to change my mind. I have the right to be alone and independent.

You Can Do It!

In Greek mythology the phoenix, a brightly coloured bird, lived for hundred of years. At the end of it’s life it builds a nest made of cinnamon twigs and as the bird lays down the nest bursts into flames consuming the Phoenix and turning the bird into ashes. The mythical bird then rises from the ashes, stronger and more beautiful than before. It is also said that the tears of the Phoenix heals and regenerates hurts and wounds and is a symbol of fire, strength and divinity. The phoenix story represents rebirth and resurrection. We to have an inner capacity for vision change and renewal. Just as the Phoenix rises from the ashes, we too can rise from the trials and disappointments in life with greater endurance and new strength of purpose.

Who and where you are today is the sum total of the choices you have made in the past, whether made consciously or unconsciously. Many of your beliefs and values were established early in life and some of your beliefs and values may not be your own. Because parental and social conditioning together with events that have happen to you in the past have a major factor in how you think and how you perceive your world, and how you behave. Negative thought patterns provide the energies that feed problems keeping them alive. Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts!

We have a choice which usually has two options and comes with age. We can operate from the surface ego mind, or the deeper spiritual mind.  Fear-based emotions feed our ego mind, whilst all love-based emotions feed the spirit. Being spiritually based has the effect of overcoming the ego, which allows you to enter into a whole new energy where you can flow within your world in balance within your self, and more in harmony with others.

Each of us has the light within but this light is in a state of sleep or hibernation. This is the result of constantly feeding the ego, and not recognizing our spirit within. Debilitating negative thought patterns can be highly destructive. Low self esteem, feeling inadequate or unworthy, means you are functioning from the lower mental plains, from your ego and you are so much more than this.

Each of us is responsible for overcoming our ego-based emotions. Making the body mind-shift from what you believe is your reality to understanding that you are unwittingly co-creating it can be the first steps to changing your life for the better. Through the deepest form of human understand, which is love the light can be awakened and you can raised yourself to a position self empowerment. Become the authority in your own life. This ability is within you. It’s your birthright!

Remember, what ever has happened to you in the past, wherever you find yourself right now the process of change and renewal can be started, there is nothing that can stop you, it’s your choice, the answers are all deep inside you. It is possible to move forward, decide what to do and most importantly, to heal you just need to start the process. So ask your self right now, is it time to wake up to a different reality?

So rather than have the belief that you can’t, it would be far more effective to start eight now to believe that you can.  I invite your unconscious mind now to focus on what you want, accept no limitations, and to choose positive life-energy. Remember, it is not your task to change anyone other than yourself.  As you start this process the positive effects will ripple out around you affecting how other people perceive you.  This will create changes in the way they respond to you. When you behave differently, others treat you differently. The consequences are, you will experience a different reality.

Light Abound…..

Food Matters Directors

Food Matters DVD

http://spiritualemergency.blogspot.com/2006/01/archetype-of-wholeness.html

My audio story Bluebeard, is an old, old, tale of a relationship between two people that is played out in the lives of many couples today. It is about a woman who falls for an illusion she believes to be reality. It is about her waking up and becoming conscious, and growing to be much wiser in the future.

When women don’t live their lives consciously, it’s as if they are asleep, there is no vision or depth of insight, no original voice. No action is taken in creating the life they really want. A woman must first unlock her beautiful mind to allow her  full potential to develop, to grow and to evolve. She must speak her truth in a clear voice and then use her common sense to do what needs to be done, about what she may find there.

Developing  a relationship with your free spirit, or inner self  is an important part of developing your individuality. For this to happen we must sometimes have to explore our dark places, the shadow side of our psyche, but at the same time being conscious of not being supressed or trapped by ourselves, or by others.

Are there darken corners in your life that need the light shed upon them? What old patterns of thinking and behaving need replacing.  Is it time to  shine on them the vibrant energy that exists within you? Encourage yourself to grow and develop.  Listen to that inner voice you posses, trust your intuition your feelings are communicating with you, what are they telling you to learn. Remember, the best way to make your dreams come true to to wake up and open the door.

“My Bluebeard story is about the darkness that is a natural part of all human psyches.” it is written by a woman for women. It narrated by myself and actor John Stretton. Listen to the message behind the story.

Is it time to wake up?

click on image to sample

Do you feel betrayed?

It is possible to heal

You can gain strength

You can create a better life

A better relationship

Healing starts from within

Heal the pain

Move on to create a loving positive relationship

Balance your emotions

Let me help you?

click image to sample audio

Once upon a time there was a little Soul in Heaven. This little Soul said to God, ‘I know who I am, I am the light’ and God said, “Yes you are the light” The little Soul said to God, ‘I want to go down to earth-school and experience myself in a different way’ God said “but you know everything there is to know, you don’t need to go to earth-school. ‘What do you want to experience?

The little Soul replied,  ‘I want to experience the feelings of  emotional hurt. God responded, ‘well in order for you to experience the pain of emotional hurt you are going to need other soul’s to help you. “Is there anyone here that loves this little Soul enough that they will help with this journey?” There was silence and then lots of other little Soul’s stepped forward together, “yes we love you so much that we will take this journey with you, what do you need us to do?

God replied,

“In order for this little soul to experience the feelings of emotional hurt other souls are needed to create the situations, event and the environment where emotional hurt can be experienced. Then you, my dear little soul will be placed in situations where you will not only experience emotional hurt but you will be offered many ways to heal. I give you choice in all things, learn from your experiences, choose wisely.

At that point all the other souls ran forward together, after thinking very hard and said, “yes we will do this for you because we love you so much. But there is just one condition.” “What is it”, said the little Soul?  And the other Soul’s answered, ‘in whatever situation you find yourself in, and whatever experiences you go through, and however hurt you feel you will remember one thing”? “Yes, yes cried the little soul what is it” “You will remember who we really are”.

Sarah Chambers

This lovely metaphor story was told by Chris Howard when I was attending one of his amazing training. Check it out, they are life changing!

click on image to sample audio